2nd - And the Prize is...DONE
✳️✳️✳️NICK✳️✳️✳️
“Well look at you Mrs. Fancy-pants... Paris in Vancouver...”
I jumped, spinning nervously while clutching my raffle prize tightly in one fist. Immediately, my heart began to race, not just from the startle, but because he loomed there, grinning his lop-sided grin, his shoulder balanced against the door frame as he stared back at me. And I couldn’t think of a single thing to say. I’m pretty sure I opened my mouth... then shut it, then tried again. To no avail. Then he was stepping over the threshold, crowding the suddenly too-tiny office with his overly large presence. I could literally hear the seconds ticking away in my far too empty brain as he moved in what seemed like some sort of Matrix-like intensity. Slow... deliberate. It was all in my mind of course, but still. He shut the door behind him. Shutting out the rowdiness of the rest of the crew setting down to meal a short distance away. Shutting us in, alone. For the first time in two weeks.
My stomach flipped. And I hated that it did. I was acting like some silly twit. But I couldn’t seem to help myself. I laughed awkwardly, lifted the envelope, and waved it dismissively...
“Yeah, silly right...”
Then I jerked into motion, turning to randomly straighten the papers I had strewn across the desktop, daily logs getting jumbled together with inventory requests and EMS reports. I knew it, even as I did it... that I was making more work for myself.
“Why is it silly? Sounds charming...”
Forgetting, momentarily, I peeped over at him with a smug look of skepticism... “You... romcoms? Since when...?”
“Hey... judgy... I can go for the mushy stuff sometimes... I like movies... I like to laugh... I like to eat...”
I snorted then chuckled as I chopped the gathered papers on the desk... ‘yeah... you should go then...”
“Is that an invitation?”
That even in those few seconds I managed to forget was literally some sort of miracle. I froze and my heart began chasing itself in a roar through my chest. I dared not look, but it was impossible to miss him shifting positions, even from the corner of my eye.
“We are going to have to talk about it sooner or later...”
I continued avoiding looking directly at him, choosing instead to move the neatly stacked chaos from my hands to the task bin at the end of the desk.
“Yeah, sure... later works for me... meals ready, plus I have this work to get through before shift ends...”
I suppose it was something sort of progression that I didn’t ask him what ‘it’ he was talking about. But I tried to sound as lighthearted and unconcerned as possible, yet I knew I failed. I felt like I had been walking on eggshells for the last two weeks. And it wasn't only because of Nick. But at that moment, he was the only part of it that seemed to fixate in my mind. Still, I tossed him some half-effort sultry grin that typically worked on guys and turned as if I meant to leave the office, and him and this inevitable conversation.
“It’s already later...” He challenged. “I’m sure your boss won’t chop your head off for taking a few moments to handle a personal matter.”
His tone was clearly questioning. Maybe a little impatient, or as uneasy as I was feeling. There was no way to tell, except maybe talk to him about it. And God knew I had been doing everything in my power to avoid doing just that. I dragged in a ragged breath before biting the inside of my cheek against the insistent churning in my belly. I honestly did not wish to hear his regrets. It was exactly why I had avoided having this conversation in the first place. But he was right of course. And I knew I was being a little punk. There really wasn’t much I was afraid of but talking to my boss and best friend about how I drunkenly invited and thoroughly enjoyed every inch of him in my bed was definitely high on the list.
It was totally out of character, not the drinking of course... or the sex after drinking, but the repeated rounds of sex one night after drinking with my boss and then fearing confronting it, that most definitely was. But... I wasn’t exactly sure what to do in this circumstance. It had been two weeks... two long weeks of confusing days and sleepless nights. And when sleep did eventually come, my dreams were full of disturbingly vivid carnal images that left me waking panting and sweaty. Not that the visions didn’t assail me in broad daylight. My tongue felt like lead every time I had considered discussing with him since it happened.
“Or is it your hope that we just pretend it never happened, just sweep it under the rug and never bring it up... ever?”
Was there hope in his tone? I gritted my teeth and glared at him.
“But it did happen!” I exclaimed in a testy tone, annoyed at his suggestion for some reason. “How can you just forget all about it?”
How could he really? After I’ve done nothing but think about it constantly for two damn weeks. Like even right at that moment. Looking at him instantly brought the memories back and I simply could not get the image of him, bare-chested and in the throes of passion out of my mind. Thinking about what he did to me, what I did to him... it was utter insanity, of the kind I hadn’t felt in years. But then I noticed what suspiciously looked like utter smugness across his face and my eyes narrowed even tighter.
He was quick to respond though, in the most casual manner possible... he leaned back against the deceptively cleared disk and crossed his arms over his chest.
“If I had forgotten I wouldn’t have trapped you in here with me to have this discussion...”
I scoffed, glancing towards the door then back to him. “I’m not trapped...”
“oh... you are. Mentally. You’re stubborn... and you’re arrogant. And you’re too much of both to avoid a direct challenge... ergo, me, here... now.”
I rolled my eyes. But I knew I felt rooted in the spot I stood in. As if I simply could not just take those few last steps and escape. And the fact that he knew it, had used it to his advantage proved just how far over the deep end I had gone with this one.
“You don’t scare me, Nick...” I said stubbornly, perhaps more so to convince myself of that fact than anything else.
“Good. I’m not trying to scare you”
“What are you trying to do then?”
“Talk... understand. Not have you shy away from me like some frightened alley cat every time I walk into a room.”
“I don’t...”
He didn’t even bother to argue with me. He waited. And, probably as he expected, the silence gnawed at my patience.
“Okay... fine... you’re right, we need to talk about it” I huffed out and strolled back towards him. But only to grip the chair and roll it purposefully several feet away before taking a seat. He continued to stand.
“Thought you’d see things my way...”
“Don’t get cocky yet... I still might take option number two and stride right out of here...”
“No, you won't.”
He was actually chuckling, as anything was normal about any of this. I rolled my eyes and even started to nibble on a hangnail that I knew I should leave alone but... nerves. Seconds later I shook my head and dropped it onto my lap. Only to start nibbling on my lip instead. Finally, I released another pent-up breath and blurted out...
“I’m sorry.”
“You’re... sorry?”
What the hell was wrong with me. I couldn’t even look at him. I knew that I hated being forced to admit out loud what a colossal mess I made of things between us. I sighed and almost looked up at him. I didn’t get above his knees.
“For hovering around you all night, making you keep doing shots with me... and the dancing and the flirting and the... seducing...”
“For... making me?”
“Oh my gaw....” I jumped up and did a quick pace in the cramped office, obviously agitated. “Seriously... how are you so utterly calm about all of this? I have literally been a wreck since it happened and you’re just standing here as if we are discussing how much rain we might have next week.”
“And... you’re a wreck because you regret... ‘seducing’ me?” If I wasn’t so wrapped up in my own heightened emotional state I might have picked up on his mocking tone. Instead, I stopped dead in my tracks and glanced back at him, my eyes widening in shock.
“Noo... because you must...”
“Oooh, I must?” he ironically exclaimed. “How’s that exactly?”
I huffed again, waving a hand around dismissively at his humoring me but then proceeded to give him my very well thought out, logical reasons that this would certainly be a bad situation from his point of view...
“Well, to start with, I work for you... and there’s... well the optics of that. Not that I think you would give me any special considerations or anything, but other people might. And well... then there’s your little thingamajig with Theo that you’ve never hidden from me... I mean, I know you two aren’t exclusive or anything but still... it’s a thing. And then... well... I mean, we are friends... and how will you feel about talking to me about the stuff you do if we are screwing each other like you might not feel comfortable having the friendship we’ve had with someone you’re banging. And then... I don’t know there are so many other things. Like, how I obviously like to drink... and I fucking curse... a fucking lot. And I am stubborn and arrogant, you’ve already pointed those out today... there are so many reasons...”
Deflated, I turned and flopped back into the chair. But spilling my thoughts left me far less anxious than before and I was finally able to look at him with far less hesitation.
“I see...” he said after a few moments of just looking at me. “You’ve given this a lot of thought... and rolled out quite a list of sureties...”
I laughed wryly while nodding, certain he could not dispute my logic. Nothing I said was a lie. Then I blurted... “It’s literally all I’ve been thinking about.”
Which wasn't exactly the truth, but when it came to thinking about the other thing it always led to what happened between us. If I hadn't been so agitated about what happened just before the party, perhaps I might not have drunk so much and I might not have made the pass and I might not have... Nick's body flashed in my mind and I trembled slightly.
“I might suggest...” he hesitated, looking at me for encouragement. My heart felt like a piece of lead as I nodded again, my mind already racing trying to figure out what I had forgotten to add to the list. “I’d suggest, next time... you should ask me what I think before you go making up assumptions for your little pro and con list about my feelings...”
I admit, of all the things I braced myself to hear, that had not been one of them. And my mind reeled at it. Assuredly, I felt a bit defensive... at first. I mean, I knew Nick. We were as close as two friends could be, I supposed. He certainly was closer to me than anyone else in the world. Not, mind you, that I had ever made any huge effort to be particularly close to anyone in general. But Nick, I had known him for 6 years. Had been in some really heavy situations with him, life-threatening shit, over the years. I knew what he liked, I could tell when he was being playful when he was ill when he was in a bad mood... I could close my eyes and picture him clear as day. And I crafted my thoughts about our intimacy based on what I thought his objections would be. Because... I assumed there would be objections. I bit my lip again as my stomach started to twist again.
“Okay... perhaps I can admit that I maybe should have done that.” I earned myself a nod. “Very well... what are your thoughts then?”
He didn’t move, just continued to sit there for several more moments staring at me. I assumed he was thinking about how to let me down gently.
“I think...” he finally started as he rose, and I chastised myself inwardly for the breath I released at the silence finally being broken. But my relief was short-lived. “that I will accept your invitation to dinner and a movie.”
“What?” Certainly, I was dumbfounded.
“I accept... is there a reservation or do you need to call and set it up yourself?”
“I... it said either the 5th or the 12th...” I was so confused.
“Great, take the 5th, you shouldn’t be needed at your job that night.”
“Nick...” he had already walked across the room as he spoke, his fingers wrapped around the doorknob. I stood, “Nick...”
“I’ll pick you up around twoish so we can make the drive down, unless the reservation calls for something different let me know... I'll make the other arrangements...”
“Nick!” He was blatantly ignoring me. He did look back though at that last call. But definitely not with any sort of intention of addressing whatever pressing questions I might have. His eyes were dancing with mischief.
“And Alma... wear something seductive...”
"Nick! What other arrangements?!" But he just walked out.
3rd - Ignorance Can Be Bliss... DONE
✳️✳️✳️SEB✳️✳️✳️
“Ohh shit!” I squealed and took a moment to gather my wits before hissing, “you scared the shit out of me!”
It was hard to take his murmured “Sorry” seriously with his eyes crinkled and lips twitching with amusement and a spoon sitting between said lips.
“I didn’t realize you’d be here,” I mumbled irritably turning to toss my keys into a dish beside the door then stacked my purse on top of it.
“Yeah, can sometimes happen when you live somewhere.”
“Well tripping over your goddamn gym bag when I get home tired from shift does give a very physical reminder” I chided as I barely missed toppling over said bag a few steps away from the entrance.
“Okay... well, seems like someone has had their happiness challenged today.”
I was definitely frowning when I turned and watched him spoon another mouthful of the yogurt he clutched in the other fist. He appeared to be dressed either on his way out or just returning from the gym, which would explain the bag smack dab in the middle of the floor. Considering the snacking, I’d go with the latter.
“Sorry...” I finally signed and walked over to the kitchen island and uncapped a water bottle. “It’s been a bit of a weird shift...”
“Hey, listen... if this is a problem, I mean I know you were okay with this set up when I first got to town, but it’s been a few months, I get it if you want back your privacy...”
“What? No. Seb, really, no. I love having you here and with my over-night shifts and your... well your whatever it is that you do, we barely see each other as is. It’s just been, weird.... well, in the last couple weeks really.”
It seemed like he had to consider my response, judge it perhaps, for credibility... honesty. Or maybe it was all in my head. Overthinking seemed to be my full-time dedication in the last weeks. Eventually, he moved on instead of dwelling on the topic.
“Weird hmm? By your mood, I’d venture it’s been kinda taxing.”
“Just, strange, well, I don’t know, maybe... yeah” I released another breath and shook my head. “Making a lot of sense here I’m sure haha...”
“Well, I doubt you need me to tell you you’re not... anything you want to talk about?”
He moved, turned his back on me, and started rinsing out the container while I considered his offer. How easy would it be to just unleash everything on him, all of it? Even the parts from before the last weeks. The parts that could very well be coming back to bite me firmly in the ass. I rubbed my fingers over my eyes, hard, then brushed my fingers into my hair and yanked out the scrunchy and letting the locks fall free before sipping from my water again. It wasn’t what I wanted. The drink, not the unburdening. I’d love to do the second. But I couldn’t. Not now. Not with Seb. I couldn’t even imagine how to begin telling him that tale. He would never look at me the same way again. He was much better off blissfully ignorant.
He turned back, the question still ripe in his gaze, and I offered a rather lopsided smile. A mixture of practiced jollity and casualness.
“It’s just... work stuff...” It wasn’t a complete lie at least. “I’d bore you to tears...”
He smiled and nodded, although, I had an odd sensation that he might have been a little disappointed in my response. I was getting entirely too paranoid. “I trust my little daredevil sister won’t tolerate boredom for too long, it’ll get better...”
Hell, boredom would be greatly appreciated at that moment. But I chuckled, latching on to anything that distracted attention.
“Please... I’ve not been your little daredevil in far too many years...”
“The day I start thinking of my roller-derby-inspired sister as anything other than totally insane will be a strange day indeed.”
I laughed. “Oh, my gracious! You remember that?”
He chuckled. “Pretty hard to forget with you and your friends gathering together, dressing in the most um... how to put this delicately?... such, um... flashy clothes then literally throwing each other into walls like utter fools.”
“Oh please, we were hawt...” I smirked, “and perhaps a bit crazy...”
“Umm-hmm... I swear I think my mom went about crazy trying to figure out what to do with her literally off-the-walls new daughter!”
I smirked again, “Oh shut it, your mom loves me like I’m her very own!”
“Perhaps.” But his expressive eyes proved how very much of a tease he was being. His little chuckle after confirmed it. When he turned to take hold of the fridge door I jumped up.
“You’re hungry? I can cook...” His exaggeratedly horrified face made me laugh. “Oh please! You’ve been clearing out my leftovers for months!”
He scoffed, “Saving you from food poisoning.”
I rolled my eyes, slapped his arm playfully, and shoved him out the way. “By giving it to yourself? You’re not that heroic!”
He chuckled as he moved back a few steps. “Well... if you’re insisting, those chorizo enchiladas last week weren’t haaaalf-bad...”
“Oh, you mean that container full of enchiladas I made for the guys at the station that disappeared before I could do it the following day... those enchiladas?”
“Didn’t want the guacamole to turn brown and have them feel utterly disgusted by your thoughtfulness...”
I laughed and shook my head but definitely started tugging out ingredients and got to work. While, laughingly, we continued to rattle off some of my more memorable antics as a teen. By the time I finished cooking and we sat to eat, I eventually was forced to admit, although with a very firm and direct disclaimer that said admission would never get out of that room...
“Perhaps I was a bit of a handful.”
“You think?”
“Enough about me!... What about you, Seb? I barely know anything you’ve been up to in the last years.”
He speared a bite and stuffed it in his mouth, delaying his response momentarily.
“Not much to tell really... work, life... work. And now I’m here.”
My lips twisted a little as I frowned considering his answer. Which wasn’t really much of an answer. But, I suppose that had always been Seb’s way. He was never much of a sharer, almost always belittling any contribution he made to whatever was going on around him. He was private and withdrawn... when he wasn’t putting on an exceedingly charming front. But knowing the underneath had never been easy for most people, even for members of his own family. Since the very beginning, I had always felt this drive to make him feel included, spur him to do things, anything... something more, even when it was so blatantly obvious that he was content in his own world.
“You’re okay though?”
He chuckled. I honestly was not sure how genuine it was. “I’m fine Alms... just, taking stock, seeing where pieces fit together.”
“And the job hunt?” I ventured... “Still considering taking up a position at the school?”
“It’s still on the table...” he muttered, exceptionally nonchalant. Then, before I could guess his intention, he poked the last bit of my enchilada and chomped it away in his mouth. I gasped, definitely outraged as I had every intention of finishing that, but he laughed, stood, and began gathering the dishes.
It was apparent that he’d decided that dinner was over.
“Have they offered the position and you’re just deciding if you want it? Or you’re still deciding if that’s where you want to apply? Do you want to stay in Hemlock Cove?”
He was rinsing dishes, again, but paused to glance at me.
“Are you sure you’re not trying to get me out of your hair...”
“No, of course not, you can stay here as long as you like... stay, move in permanently if you like. I am just... I’m curious. If you’re undecided and like need someone to bounce ideas off...”
He loaded the dishwasher before turning to face me fully. And he smiled. Tenderly.
“I’m good, Alms. Trust me, you don’t have to worry about me...”
“I’m not worried.” It was nowhere near the first time I had used those exact words on him over the years. The truth was, considering that he was the older sibling, I almost always was the one worried about him and not the other way around.
“Good!” he uttered with a smile. “there really is no need...”
“Okay,” I muttered, though he probably could tell it was a touch of mulishness to it. I nibbled on my lower lip.
“Listen... I had plans, so I’m going to be gone for a bit. But this was nice. We should do it more often.”
I frowned. “A bit... like hours... or like days?”
He just grinned, stepped closer, and wrapped me in a tight embrace. “Love you, sis...”
And with my echoed response he moved to leave. But not before grabbing up his gym bag at the entrance. And I couldn’t help but wonder why on earth he had just eaten a full meal before he headed to the gym.
5th - It's an Experience... DONE
✳️✳️✳️DRIVE DOWN✳️✳️✳️
“That’s a good starting effort, but if you expect to be successful tonight you might want to do something about that mulish expression on your face...”
I cut my eyes at him. “Successful at what?”
“Why seducing me of course... that outfit is at least a good start.”
“I’ve no intention of trying to seduce you tonight!” I hissed but also squirmed a little in the heated seat of his luxurious 4-wheeler. We had been driving for less than ten minutes and I had immediately turned to watch the road pass by out the window, still entirely too uncertain about this whole thing with Nick. Our talk had done nothing to alleviate any gnawing concern. But instead of dredging on and on about that particular topic, I found myself, instead, wondering how I had never considered the similarity between the man and his vehicle before. It beyond me, but it certainly seemed that I couldn't avoid doing anything else at this point. A heady combination of lavish ruggedness, power and beauty. Until he interrupted my ridiculously whimsical musings that is.
“Awe, but you claimed to be so exceptionally good at it.”
“I did no such thing...” I contradicted stubbornly.
“Ohh, I’m fairly sure you did. Said quite bluntly that you ‘made’ me do it... with your seductive wiles no doubt...”
I scoffed and glanced over, narrowing my gaze on the smirk he wore.
“You’re taunting me...”
“Maybe... a bit...”
And I was torn between laughing and grimacing. This whole thing was no laughing matter but... it was too. Like my life was becoming some sort of tragic comedy; old haunts and reckless decisions leading to a world of uncertainties. And I thought I had found my little hole in the world to find some drama-less stability. But eventually, you always reap what you sow.
Unexpectedly, Nick began switching lanes and pulled off the side of the road. Confused, I glanced around, thinking I would see a cop pulling us over or something. But no, when I looked back at him, he was twisted in his seat looking directly at me.
“You know... when I first saw you today, in this... I was certain it meant that you were curious where this was going. I mean, it hits several marks...” his eyes drifted down, leisurely and my nipples tightened. “But... if you honestly are having trouble imagining this, or simply cannot wrap your head around it... if you don’t want to hang with me tonight, we don’t have to. We can turn around. I can drop you back home. It’s still early enough, you can probably cancel the reservation and reschedule it to take someone else you are more interested in spending the evening with.”
Now, even though we had been friends for ages, I could not fathom how he could possibly know what his words would do to me. Brutal, direct, honest. He wasn’t going to just sit there all night accepting my bullshit and sour mood. Either I was in it or fuck it. He wasn’t about to waste hours of his time on someone that seemed completely adverse towards his attention. Which, honestly, I should have known about him. It’s no different than how I would have felt. And it was even more unfair because, in frank honesty, I knew deep down, I craved more of his time... my dreams were proof enough of that.
“You’re right. I’m here.” I responded after shifting my gaze across every inch of his face, “I want to be here. With you.”
There was a long pause while we just watched each other. For me, it was the moment where I came to terms with opening myself up to whatever this was that was happening between us. I had no clue what was going through his mind, but eventually, he nodded.
“Good...” he finally uttered, nodded again with a grin, and got us back on the road. “So, no more grumpy face?”
“As long as you don’t piss me off...”
“Ha!” he chuckled boisterously. “I’m not making that promise...”
“chicken...”
“Pfft, I’m a realist... besides, why on earth would I ever stop pushing your buttons, it’s way too much fun...”
I barely resisted the urge to let my worries about the past intrude again. But I was determined to be present. The rest, it would have to wait. Nick’s confrontation about my poor attitude had immensely lightened the mood and I wouldn’t do anything to ruin that now.
“You think you know me, but even the little voices in my head get confused sometimes...”
He laughed and peeped over at me before back to the road ahead. “I don’t know if it is scary or hysterical that I believe you!”
✳️✳️✳️VANCOUVER✳️✳️✳️
I laughed. And the ride continued with us just chatting, laughing, playfully flirting, barbing. Just me and Nick, being our usual selves and it was nice. We only stopped once for a bathroom break but still, thanks to some unexpectedly heavy traffic, made it to Vancouver thirty minutes late for our dinner reservations. Luckily the Maitre’d was able to fit us in for a slot after the movie.
In the meantime, we strolled along the waterfront before heading up to the entertainment district where the theater was located. Still early we ventured into a few shops, including an art gallery that I used to frequent when I visited years ago. Much to my surprise, the curator was the same person, an elegant 40’ish woman that I remembered quite firmly. And not necessarily for sentimental reasons. She was perfectly professional and courteous, and I was left with the impression that she did not recall me at all. Which was absolutely for the best. To my additional surprise... more like utter shock, Nick selected a piece of art that he determined to have. Money and contact information was exchanged but by then we were pushing for time to arrive for our showing.
And the showing... that movie. It was long. Maybe felt longer than it actually was to me. But there was no time for dawdling, we rushed back to the bistro just in time to make our reservations.
“...It was like toxic cotton candy...” I declared with a laugh, there was a warm baguette loaf sat between us while our waiter went off to collect the bottle of wine Nick ordered for service. “...a far too sugary sweet woman-child with a God-complex, determining that she must, yes indeed... she absolutely must take it upon herself to right the world and meddle into other people’s lives... because god-forbid she find one of her own... oh wait, that’s coming, maybe, perhaps... I mean... after like nine-billion hours she finally says something... just simply too unstable or unconfident enough to have one of her own...”
“That’s brutal... I thought it was cute and charming... sweet yes...”
I wrinkled my nose, “Really...! Seriously! Her empty-headed, falsely virginal immaturity was dressed up as innocence... all that lawlessness was difficult to swallow, and the mind games with the love interest... urgh... why build up so many obstacles purposefully?”
“Okay sure, she probably should have spoken to the guy...huh? How silly for her to avoid talking to the guy she liked all that time. I mean at one point she was just avoiding him altogether... surely no woman would do that in real life...”
I glared at him because his point was not lost on me. I reached for and broke off a piece of bread, dribbling a bit of garlic-parsley butter on top before stuffing it in my mouth. He laughed but also followed suit. Some bruschetta appetizers arrived seconds later, which we both dug into. It had been hours since we left Hemlock Cove and this was the first thing we’ve really had to eat in all that time.
“What are your thoughts?”
“What do you mean? Right now...?” He laughed as he held a slice up to his mouth.
“About... it... what happened. About us having sex. You told me I was wrong not to ask before. But when I did, well... well I’m asking, again, now.”
I was perhaps overthinking again. Thanks to the movie. Thanks to his comment linking the similarities between the silly woman in the movie to my own actions. Not, mind you, that I thought I was anything like that Amelie... but, I could see a resemblance. At least about this particular subject.
“I think...” he bobbed his head lightly as if he were actually sorting his thoughts on the matter. “I think, that when it happens again, neither of us will have alcohol in our bodies to make excuses for why it happened...”
My pulse raced. When... not if. Just then the waiter returned, brandishing a dark bottle of wine. But before he could uncork, Nick interrupted him, apologized, and informed him that we had decided on water instead. Of course, he would still claim the bottle and insisted it get added to our tab, but... no... we would not be drinking it there... or tonight rather more specifically. Then he looked at me and I swear it felt like a dare to disagree with him.
“I’ll have Berg if you have it...”
“Certainly Madame... and for Monsieur?”
“Same, thank you.” He did not look away. I was going to be needing the waiter to grab that damn water straight from an iceberg to cool me off any minute now.
But then he ate his bruschetta and turned the conversation back to him delightfully debating with me the merits of the movie we had just seen. As if my brain wasn’t lewdly considering later instead of then.
And so, dinner progressed. And I worked extremely hard to not let my body dictate what my mind considered.
✳️✳️✳️RETURN HOME✳️✳️✳️
“Where are we going?”
“Seriously... you’re stumbling as if you’ve had five drinks” he laughed as I bumped into him, again.
“Whatever! It’s not really my fault that you’ve had me walking all over Vancouver for hours in high heels... you must think I’m superwoman...”
“We are not all over Vancouver, we are at the waterfront and the docks... and besides, you forget I’ve seen you drag 100kg body dummies impressively during training...”
“Which has absolutely nothing to do with delicate feet in high heels!”
He stopped dead in his tracks, which led me to pause and turn to face him, still fully confused about what the hell we were doing.
“You know, I’m not sure I have ever considered anything about you as being delicate before.”
And before I could say anything sarcastic or offensive about such a statement, I found myself being swept up off my feet, literally...
“What the hell! Put me down Nick!” I struggled and slapped at his arms but he just started strolling again as if there wasn’t a wiggling woman draped across his arms.
“It’s okay, I’m a big burly fireman, I will protect your dainty delicate little feet...”
“Oh, my Gawd... I’m going to fucking kill you, PUT ME DOWN!” That last bit was hissed through clenched teeth.
“Eh... Mister Kavasilas... Sir... is everything okay?”
I jerked my head around, frowning at the slender gentleman that stood ahead of us, and immediately started trying to double-check the hem of my dress after my bought of struggle.
“Yes Patton, the lady just twisted an ankle lightly on the walk over, not too much trouble I promise.”
I gritted my teeth and the gentleman squirmed as if he knew damn well Nick was lying through his teeth.
“Very well Sir. We’re gassed and ready for departure whenever you give the signal...”
“Excellent, we’re ready as soon as we’re on board then...”
Then Nick moved past the uniformed man to step onto the gangway leading to an impressive-looking yacht.
“Nick... what the hell?” It is little wonder that I completely forgot all about being carried on board when my mind couldn’t figure out what was going on. I clung to him, in all honesty. But seconds later he tugged my heels off and set me on a pristinely white deck. I could hear two muffled voices speaking a distance away and then the engine started to hum. I slapped his arm, “Nick what the hell have you done?”
“We’re going home...”
“On a boat?!”
“Well, obviously...”
It was only then that I bothered to actually look up at him, into his eyes and I must say, my response was instant. Every single wicked thought I had that night, yesterday... the day before, and every day since the moment I had first had him filled my mind. I gulped trying to think sensibly.
“But what about your car?”
“I’ve made arrangements, it will be waiting for us at the docks near home.”
He explained quite calmly while at the same time he began undoing his tie, snatching it off his neck and dropping it casually on the deck. I followed the fabric as it drifted down while my chest grew tighter, my breathing a bit more ragged.
“But... you can’t afford this...”
He laughed, “I didn’t buy the damn boat...” he was undoing his buttons. Slowly.
“Yachts aren’t cheap to charter either!” Why the hell was I so worried about any of this when the man was stripping in front of me. My stomach churned and I trembled, I’m certain visibly.
“If it makes you feel better, a friend owed me a favor...”
“But... why?”
Needless to say, I found myself bracing as he advanced with his pants now undone and hanging loosely on his pelvis. Every inch of my body tingled wantonly in anticipation. Because, contrary to my initial confusion and my stupidly insistent questions, I was no fool. I licked my lips.
“Because... for one, I didn’t want to make that long drive back tonight...”
Understandable.
“And...?”
“And I don’t plan on letting you creep out silently in the middle of the night like you did the first time...”
“What makes you think I was going to do that?”
“Does it really matter now?’
My stomach dropped, my core vibrated, my nipples pinched. No inch of me was not affected by him. I started shaking my head.
“No... no, it really doesn’t.”
He grinned, darkly, sinfully, gleefully. Then he was touching me, and kissing me, and carrying me into the cabin where he took every last bit of my patience away stripping me bit by bit.
And just before we finally came together again, I realized, that my boss, and friend, and now lover, had seduced the fuck out of me.
8th - Face The Music... DONE'ish (unsure Max bit)
✳️✳️✳️MAX✳️✳️✳️
(unsure if this will come together or not. Alma is set to meet Max for lunch at The Eatery. They should just have a good friendly lunch, chat about random stuff. He will confront her about her missing out on the Valentine's Day event. Unsure what else they will talk about. Perhaps Seb, perhaps Nick... if this comes together we will see. If not, just imagine this lunch happens and when she leaves Renon bumps into her in the parking lot of The Eatery.)
✳️✳️✳️RENON✳️✳️✳️
“Alma...”
Tugging my keys from my purse, I turned, one way then the other, at the sound of my name. Almost instantly my blood ran cold. I could feel it wash over me, like icy cold fingertips tickling down my spine, across my limbs, and deep into my chest to give my racing heart a powerfully frigid jolt as I watched the youngest member of the Fitzgerald clan come trotting over in my direction. I found myself peeping around again, suspiciously, anxiously. Checking to see who else might be around. Making an effort to see if anyone would see us together.
“Hello.” I said cautiously.
“Hey... um, yeah, thanks for stopping.” He smiled hesitantly and did his own peripheral look around. “I know we haven’t really been introduced yet... but I was wondering if we could go somewhere and talk. If you have some free time?”
I lifted my hand and tossed it back, even making a pointing gesture as if to indicate that I was about to head out but then looking at him. I don’t know, something struck me. Perhaps it was his resemblance to Ben... or the way he kind of showed a hint of anxiety or maybe a little vulnerability. Looks I had seen once or twice on Ben's face to judge what they could be. Oh, it wasn’t obvious... not by any means. It was just a suspicion. I licked my lips and glanced around once more before nodding my head.
“Sure... want to grab a coffee at the Eatery?”
He quickly shook his head after peeping in that direction.
“Mind a walk in the park?”
I dumped my keys back in my bag and nodded, kind of letting him take the lead but stepping into pace beside him.
“I’m Renon by the way...”
I couldn’t help it, I smirked. Odd how easily it came through. “Yes, kinda hard not to know who you are at this point.”
He made a sound that seemed suspiciously like a snort but I didn’t glance over to check. At least not until after he responded.
“Yeah, the pesky interloping little brother... or imposter as some have deemed me.”
There was a moment of unguarded disappointment that crossed his face before he realized I was looking then he quickly shadowed it with an oh-so-familiar grin. Guarded. Charmingly so. Just like his brother, or brothers should I say? All of them reeked of this... whatever it was. Fitzgerald mojo.
“Ben will come around...”
“How did you...” He cut off his comment and looked at me strangely.
But it was no different than the look I should be giving me. I have no idea what made me say that. Honestly, I had no clue what Ben might do. It wasn’t as if he were being super open with me lately. Most times when I had seen him, he’d been almost in the bottom of whatever bottle of liquor he was drowning at the time. He didn’t seem to care for my concern one bit, despite his hesitant apology the last time we met. And I wanted to say it didn’t matter. He was just a guy I used to date once upon a time. Most people didn’t particularly have concerns for their exes. So, it shouldn’t matter, I shouldn’t hurt that he shuts me out. Yet, somehow, logic did not seem to meet up with feeling.
“Perhaps you meant Noah then... if so, I cannot make guesses on his temperament...”
He shook his head and the conversation lagged as we crossed over into Panorama Park. Children were all over, racing about and many adults were busy doing whatever it was that parents did with children young enough to go race around the park. Of course, there were teens and a few strolling couples that appeared to be doing the whole romance-love lap around the park's promenade. The celebration for Women’s day was as lively inside the park as it was elsewhere in the city.
“You don’t seem to be celebrating much...”
I couldn’t help but arch a brow as I glanced at him again.
“For women’s day, you mean?”
He returned my gaze, “well yeah, what else?”
What else indeed. This was so awkward. I returned to watching where I was going.
“I celebrate being a woman every day...” I heard him chuckle. Oddly, my lip twitched. I’m not sure how, or why, I felt a tiny bit less anxious beside him than I had worried over him in the last couple of weeks all on my own. I think I blamed it on that family mojo, though... in all honesty, the eldest brother, in my opinion, was lacking a bit of it. At least where I was concerned.
Then there was nothing but the muffled sounds of children screaming in play, birds chirping merrily, and the soft rustle of leaves wisping in the wind. Our footsteps crunched tiny bits of white rock shards beneath them as Renon led us down a lane of newly budded bushes. Evidence that winter was losing some of its icy hold on nature. Of course, the row of evergreens immediately behind those bushes kept the picturesque park full of greenery all year through. In a few short weeks, it could be possible to start seeing a few bulbs sprout from the ground if the weather held.
But alas, we weren’t quite done with winter yet, and a chilly breeze forced me to clutch my jacket a bit tighter across my chest as we turned down another, narrower path before passing under a vine-rich trellis and entering into a small arbor. A concrete swan was gazing back at us in the center of a softly rippling fountain, the water glistening from the sun peeking through a thin layer of puffy white clouds above.
We were surrounded by nature and our silence. Even the sounds of playing had grown so faint that it was easy to imagine that we were the only people, alone in the world at that moment. I did not rush to fill the void. He approached and initiated this meeting. If I had seen him first, I wondered if I would have simply stopped with all the fretting and approached him myself. I certainly was not normally the type that waited around for doom and gloom to attack. Perhaps, the fact that he had come to me first was why I was even here in the first place, why I agreed to come with him. Definitely not some silly idea that there was something magical about his family’s charm.
He ran his fingers through his hair, another trait I had seen Ben do numerous times in agitation. Though, if I were being honest, Renon favored the eldest brother most.
“I guess you’re wondering why I asked to speak with you...”
“The thought had crossed my mind.”
He nodded, glanced around... “Sit?”
I turned and shrugged lightly before stepping over to the bench he motioned a few steps away.
He stepped with me, his body towering a few inches above mine, reminding me clearly that he was not the kid that I remembered from years ago. Which, thinking on it now, made me shake my head at my own foolishness back then. He couldn’t be more than a year or two younger than me. Definitely not a kid. But that is what I remembered, how I was picturing him. Or had been.
“The weather is getting much better...”
If anyone knew one thing about me, they knew that patience wasn’t truly my strong suit. Sure, I had a rather even temperament when it came to work stuff, I suppose some part of my brain rationalized that work behavior had to differ from personal behavior. But outside of work... in my free time... I did not deal well with wasting a moment of it. This was likely another reason I had been such a mess in the last weeks, spending far too much time worrying when I should have been living my life.
“Surely the pleasantries about the weather could have been handled in the parking lot where you found me...”
He glanced at me, a little startled perhaps but then awkwardly laughed and nodded his head. There was definite reluctance to get on with whatever it was he wanted to say. The less reckless side of my brain was full-on supportive of avoiding whatever this conversation would be. Dreading the past, anxious about the future. I had thought myself safe in this town. Far away from the reaches of the city, from the life I once lived. How much of my history would Renon remember, or even know...?
But the more I thought about it, at that time where he fidgeted in his seat, I considered that his obvious reluctance had to be a somewhat okay sign. It wasn’t like he was acting like someone that held the power to destroy my little world-bubble. Not cocky, not snide or rude or smug. He did not at all look like someone that held my secrets as some cornered chess piece. At least, that was what I was beginning to think.
“About the other night...”
“Mardi Gras?” He didn’t glance at me, which was maybe a good thing. He didn’t see the look of utter confusion that flooded my face. He wanted to talk about that night? Not, like where we knew each other from?
“I’m not sure what you think was going on...” he hesitated and finally looked back towards me. And my mind was racing.
“An argument...” I finally said, the memory of it coming back to me slowly.
I had almost forgotten all about it. Once I had seen Charlotte and Renon together, exiting that dark alley... once the memory of who they were, what they represented in my world... I literally had thought of nothing else. Well... until I had done what I did with Nick that is. Then both things tormented me. But the actual reason I had gone to the alley... what motivated me to be there, had been the loud voices coming from it. I just quite simply had forgotten.
He laughed. More of an awkward chuckle. Or maybe that was just the way he laughed. “It wasn’t all that bad... was it?”
A question. Followed by him leaning back and giving quite the look of someone suddenly entirely too calm and casual. He was grinning, looking as charming as any of his other brothers might. He even crossed an ankle over one knee. It was such an abrupt change in demeanor from his uneasiness from just a moment before. Immediately, it made me incredibly suspicious. And usually, despite certain decisions lately, I tended to trust my instincts.
“Well...” I shifted, tilted my head just a touch, coyly, and gave him my best I’m-just-a-silly-girl look to play along to whatever maneuver he was currently up to. “surely you know since you’re the one that was having it...”
Something flashed in his eyes then his gaze shifted as if he were assessing me, honestly, for the very first time. Whether he was taking my demeanor at face value, or having a more accurate hunch, was anyone’s guess.
“But... you were there.”
I reached up and twirled a bit of my hair between two fingers, rolling my eyes slightly as if I were thinking really hard. “I mean, technically, yes... but like, not like you.”
“So,” He was still steadily watching me while I continued to twiddle with my hair in a rather brainless motion. “...you didn’t hear anything?”
“Well, you know it was so late... and like, really dark...”
“Of course, and why would anyone expect ears to function at night...”
“like, you totally get it!”
“oh, of course, ears are very tricky things. But, only at night”
“Exactly. I read somewhere that darkness can be deafening...”
“Strange, I read that was silence, but I will most certainly take your word on it. You are the one with the unique condition here...”
“Everyone has them...”
“Time-sensitive ears?”
How he was keeping a straight face I will never know. It was taking everything in me not to crack my composure with the idiocy coming out of my mouth. Time-sensitive ears indeed. I bit the inside of my cheek and had to wait a moment before I could continue.
“Unique conditions...”
“Is that right?” I nod with wide, excited eyes. “I’ve never found mine then...”
“I might be able to help you...” He arched a brow. I held out my palm, “Give me one hand...”
He continued to hold a skeptical expression but set one of his hands in mine. Slowly I brushed a single finger along the creases in his palm then flipped and traced the veins on the other side before nodding emphatically and releasing his hand.
“What?”
“I’m positive...” the fact that he looked so utterly curious was almost too much to bear. “Umm-hmm, I’m certain...”
“Yes...?”
“I would bet anything that you have different fingers on the other hand...”
He looked at me as if I was completely insane before he then lifted his other hand, spun it back and forth, and exclaimed in the most exaggeratingly shocked tone I had ever heard.
“Who knew having time-sensitive ears would lead to such intellect...”
“It’s a gift...”
“Indeed. How fortunate it is that I caught up to you in the daylight so we could have this conversation.”
“I know right. Wait... what were we talking about again?”
He smirked. “Arguments I do believe...”
“Rightt... arguments at night.”
“And bad night-ears...”
“I mean, you said it yourself, it’s a unique condition. Perhaps I am the only one that cannot hear arguments between two men and a woman in a dark alley at night...” I twisted my lips slightly and hummed for a moment. But inwardly I was utterly confused. The conversation I remembered sounded sinister. The sister cursing, vowing that whoever they'd been talking to shouldn't get soft now on these 'fuckers'. But somehow, in the short time I spent with Renon, I was beginning to believe that there was more here than the eye could see... or ears hear as it were.
“Perhaps it’s easier for you to tell me what it is that I didn’t hear... just to be clear.”
“Well,” He shifted, leaned forward, and rested his elbows on his knees now, “I will say... that if you could’ve heard anything... I am certain it would have just been a complete misunderstanding...”
“From you...” he only turned his head to look at me. “...or your sister?”
There was silence. The silliness from before all dried up.
“Either... both. There’s just...” he paused, offered a wary smile, “it’s just a little more going on than it may appear.”
“I’m not sure... more... is a positive in this matter. But it would help if I understood, I suppose, what the matter was.” When he didn’t offer any further explanation, instead sat there shaking his head slightly I couldn’t help the next bit that spilled from my lips. “I can’t just sit back and watch Ben get hurt in whatever this is...”
He looked shocked when he turned back to me. “I’m not trying to hurt him, Alma.” He shook his head again and stood. “I just wanted you to know that... I don’t know. It’s not what you think it is...”
Wasn't that exactly what I just hoped might be behind this? But none of my questions were answered by his disclaimer. No real justification for me to believe in his assurances. And even if Ben wasn't a target, and his brothers were not in any danger. That didn't mean that everything was peachy-keen.
“And me?”
Again, his eyes shot to me, scanning my face. It seemed in that moment realizing that I remembered him. That I expected that he remembered me. His gaze softened, and I knew that he knew who I was. And I also remembered, clearly, that he was not the 'kid' I remembered him to be.
“I’m not here to ruin anything for anyone...”
“But you could...”
He shook his head. “You’re just going to have to trust me...”
I stood up as well, staring him directly in the eye, only inches apart. Nothing silly, ditzy, or playful in my manner now.
“I don’t know you. Not like that.”
Again, a stretch of silence passed between us. He was clearly weighing something as he looked me over.
“I suppose then that you should get to know me.”
And with that Renon Fitzgerald stepped out of the arbor and out of sight.
9th - Spill The Beans... DONE
✳️✳️✳️BEN✳️✳️✳️
“What’s this?!”
“I baked!” I stated, smiling broadly as I lifted then dropped a basket on top of the counter in front of an equally grinning Ben. But the rotter’s expression turned horrified at my brag.
“No thanks!”
“You love my baked goods...”
“Is that what I told you?... I was in love you can’t hold it against me.”
He missed the way my smile thinned as he began digging through the cookies and muffins that were stuffed inside. He even pulled one oatmeal raisin and took a big bite despite his callous words. The fact that I couldn’t decide which part of his statement hurt me the most made me the most irritable. Pressing my lips even tighter together I reached forward, snatched the half-eaten cookie from his fingers, stuffed it back in with the others, and grabbed it all.
“Alms... Alma!” the fucker was chuckling as he jogged around the counter and made to stop me before I could reach the door. Stubbornly, I clutched the basket handle in both fists and stared past his shoulder while he blocked me from exiting the lobby of the vet clinic where he worked.
“I was just joking...” He began bobbing his head trying to get into my line of vision and I stubbornly kept looking away. “Really! Don’t go... I do love your goodies... it’s just... well it’s kinda scary when you bake.”
That did make me look at him. Glaringly so. He waved his hands defensively, still grinning like a fucking loon.
“Don’t shoot! I swear, your food's delicious. It’s just... you used to only bake when you had something extremely difficult or unpleasant you had to deal with... so, don’t blame me for my PTSD!”
So, of course, the hairs on the back of my neck stood up and my heart started racing. Because... literally, I did. Have something extremely difficult, and unpleasant I needed to deal with. I had things I needed to discuss with him. And he, apparently, knew my tricks. I wrinkled my nose and sighed. He grinned, feeling triumphant I suppose that he had gotten me to get past his rudeness. He took the basket and my hand and tugged me back to the reception area. There was only one desk chair, but Ben cleared a space on his desktop for me to hop on while he poured us both steaming mugs of cocoa. I supposed it was for clients that showed up to drop off their pets. Then he sat, pulled the basket over his lap, and started to rummage through it once more. At least one dog was barking behind a door a few steps away but otherwise, the clinic seemed to be quite empty.
“How did you end up here?” he asked between bites of finishing off the cookie he started moments before.
“I stopped past your family’s first... Pete told me you were here...”
He peeped up at me quickly and arched a brow, a blueberry muffin clutched in one hand.
“You were looking for me?”
I nodded. He frowned. His gaze shifted from me to the basket then back to me again.
“Well shit...” the hiss was followed by the muffin being dropped back into the basket.
“To be fair... I didn’t know I stress baked...”
He shook his head. “Well, you do!”
I wrinkled my nose. “You could have said something before... I would have changed the behavior...”
He laughed mockingly. “It was always a good warning sign! Always knew when I had to be on alert...”
My feet dangled above the floor, I crossed and began to swing them gently as he ran his fingers through his hair.
“Does this have something to do with that gossip rag?”
“Sort of, yes...”
The gossip rag, as he put it, had released a rather salacious expose on his elder brother, Noah. So many things had been said and I wasn’t exactly sure which of them to believe or not believe. It’s quite possible that every bit of it was true... but then maybe all of it was bullshit. It seemed to want to paint Noah and his business dealings as dirty or corrupt or both or more. But it didn’t just stop with business stuff. There was a lot of personal fodder for a small town such as this to chew over for weeks, maybe months depending on how greedy someone felt about tearing it apart bit by bit.
Thankfully, I was not connected to Noah, not really. So, for the most part, I was utterly meaningless to his little bought of drama. And honestly, there was no amount of love lost between Noah and me. I had always got the feeling that he never thought I was quite worthy of his or any of his family’s time. He was never rude per se. Just, indifferent. Dismissive. So... yeah, I could literally stand on the outside looking in and not have a care about any of it. Except that in the collateral damage Ben was a target. Or a potential one. And despite knowing that my concern for him was largely my own self-imposed burden to bear, and hardly of any consequence to him... I simply could not look the other way and stay clear of the potential tsunami.
“Okay... out with it then...” he muttered then added a bit more under his breath, “wish you’d added a bottle of something to this goodie basket...”
“I’m not really sure where to start...”
“It’s that big hmmm?” His brows were knitted together. “Did you sleep with Noah while we were dating?”
My eyes bulged. “What? You’re kidding right?”
“I don’t know, maybe... half-way... I’m trying to think what could be so horrible where you have a connection with my fucking brother. Did you sleep with him after we dated? Before?” His tone was terse, impatient.
“What?! No! I never slept with Noah, ew!”
“I don’t understand then, how are you connected to Noah or any of his drama?”
“I’m not connected to him... what kind of shitty person do you think I am that I would sleep with your brother?”
The fact that I should be discussing the actual reason I came but instead latching onto this topic proved how little I wanted to dig into the first. Noah was inconsequential. All of the drama surrounding him was as well. And perhaps my history was meaningless all around too. But, if it should come out and if Ben were linked to my past, I felt he deserved to be able to defend himself with the full knowledge of what took place.
“I don’t know... maybe you wouldn’t have meant for it to happen... maybe you both had a little too much to drink... didn’t realize what you were doing or who you were with... wrong place at the right time...”
“So now I’m just some boozy slut who will fuck anyone given enough alcohol in my system?”
An image of Nick flashed through my mind that I arrogantly shoved back with the thought that I purposefully targeted my attention on him. It had been reckless, my flirting more intense as the drinks layered and the night progressed, but it certainly had not been some black-out drunk sex.
“No... of course not. Just saying. It could have been an accident.”
“Oh yeah, like trip– oops, I fell on your willy, my fault! There’s no such fucking thing as an accidental bang.” There was no rational reason for me to be so angered by his comments. They weren’t true, so why the rage? Then an ugly, sinking feeling filled my gut and my eyes narrowed on him. “Is this projection Ben? Are you accidentally falling into girls all over town? Were you having these accidents while we were dating?”
“What?!... I...” but he stopped, sighed, and rubbed his eyes. “Why are we arguing about this?”
“I don’t know!” I bit out, still angry but also feeling ridiculous. Because really. Why were we arguing about it? Even if either of us were cheating, we hadn’t been dating in years. Hadn’t been ‘in-love’ for years. I sighed as well and shook my head, my tone dropping, leveling out. “I don’t know...”
“Maybe you should just tell me what your connection to all of this is so that I can stop imagining the worst possible scenarios...”
I shook my head and almost laughed out loud at my own ridiculous musings. To literally be irate one minute for him assuming I might sleep with his brother to being offended that he would think his brother having sex with me was the worst possible scenario. When, God knew, having anything to do with Noah Fitzgerald would definitely be the worst possible scenario in my head as well. I just didn’t like thinking that I wasn’t good enough for someone, which I knew, deep down, he was not saying at all.
“It’s not really a connection to Noah, it’s my connection to you that’s potentially the concern. Depending on who is out for Noah’s blood brandishing his family secrets and connections as they are...”
He looked confused. “Go on...”
I wrung my hands together, looking down at them still trying to figure out the best way to say things. Finally, I took a deep breath and looked up.
“I met with your brother yesterday. Your youngest brother. Renon” His eyes flared, and the spark of denial looked to be on the tip of his tongue. I held a hand to stall whatever it was he would say. “He is your brother. Angry as that makes you, he is. There are just too many similarities. Buutt... that is not at all the point. I met with him because I knew him. From before. Before you, before Hemlock Cove...”
“What? How? How could you not tell me...?”
There was hurt in his tone and I racked my brain trying to think why. “Noo... I don’t mean I knew you had a brother. I, no I didn’t know he was a Fitzgerald. I barely knew him. Had seen him a few times, him and his sister. But I didn’t realize that I knew either of them until after they came here and in particular, I didn’t remember until the Mardi Gras party.”
He kept his mouth closed, waiting for me to continue while I gathered my thoughts again. I couldn’t look at him as I started the rest so my gaze shifted back to my twisting fingers and swinging legs.
“Before coming to the Cove, I wasn’t really in the most respectable line of work. Or the most respectable person in the world, at all really. I dated a guy that was a lot worse. We did things. Criminal things. It was a dark time in my life. For no real reason either. It wasn’t like I had bad parents or a bad life, but somehow I ended up in that situation... in a relationship with a bad dude and doing bad things. Perhaps for the thrill of it... To rebel?”
I shook my head at my immaturity and recklessness looking back on it now. But I finally looked back at Ben expecting shock and revulsion. What I found was calm. Not an ounce of disgust registered, and he didn’t look surprised at all. I squirmed and pressed my lips together feeling all types of uncomfortable.
“Did you hear me?”
He blinked, nodded. “Yes. What does this have to do with the expose?”
I wrinkled my nose. “Well... you are connected to me... and well... it’s how I know your brother and his sister. They kind of have the same connections that I do. The same background.”
“They were part of it?” Strange how he suddenly seemed upset, after all I said. Only upset because his brother was involved.
“I don’t know to what degree. I never had any involvement with either of them, they were just... there. Kids... younger than me, hanging around. Looking for a way to make some cash.”
“Scheming cons... both of them...”
“I don’t know much about either of them, but Renon doesn’t seem to be...” the glare he sent me made my back go ramrod straight. I gave him an equally hostile look, “He does not seem to be a bad sort and trust me... I know the type.”
“You just said you don’t know anything about them.”
“I also told you I spent some time with Renon yesterday. He reminds me too much of you....” quickly I corrected, “your family.”
“The sister has made it more than clear that she knows things, about me... things that would hurt my family if they get out... all but threatened to expose me if I don’t stop fucking with her brother’s mind for god sake as if he is the one being fucked with right now!”
I frowned again watching him. “What things? Does she know we dated?” I bit my lip again. “I guess it could hurt you if people knew we dated and found out about what I did... maybe they would lump you in with me? Suggest that you benefitted from it? But it was so long ago.”
I was more mumbling to myself, focused on my own past and not at all considering that Ben might actually have something of his own to hide.
“Is there more?”
I frowned at the interruption and glanced back up at him. He seemed to have gotten his outrage under some bit of control, more focused on my tale again.
“Unfortunately.” I sighed. Might as well come clean with it all. “At a point, I wanted out. But... it wasn’t the sort of thing you just get out of, or at least that was what I thought. And I didn’t want to run home to my parents, I had no idea what that crowd would do if they found out about them or me there or whatever. I didn’t really think things through all that much back in those days. Just acted. And so, I stole from them, or him rather. The boyfriend. It wasn’t like he would be able to report the theft to the police. But I stole. A LOT of money from him and I escaped. And ended up here. It was a lot different than what I had been up to. I didn’t plan to stay here at first. It was just some small town off the radar that he wouldn’t think to look for me. And then I met you.”
“So... what? I was your rebound from a bad breakup?”
Was that really all he was getting out of my horrible revelation? I felt I don’t know, deprived of his outrage. Shouldn’t he feel some sort of emotion over my past? I shook my head, laughed sarcastically, and jumped up off the desk. I paced a few steps, agitated.
“You were my savior Ben. You have no fucking idea... I was a 21-year-old, alone, on the run, terrified, jaded. What I knew of the adult world was wild and harsh and ugly. As far as I was concerned there were only criminals and marks. But then there was you, sweet... kind... gentle. You didn’t want anything from me, or for me to do something for you. You just enjoyed my company. You liked me just being me, you helped me find me again. You helped me care about things again because believe me before I met you... I didn’t care much about anything.”
I continued to pace, nibbling on my finger, then my lip, and back again. And I glanced at him and stopped dead in my tracks. I frowned, hard.
“Are you even hearing anything I am saying?”
“Yes, I’m listening to you...”
“You don’t seem upset... angry... disturbed... I was a criminal. Theft, blackmail, drugs... I was a bad person.”
“You were never a bad person... I’ve never thought so no matter what you did before coming here...”
I froze. Some odd sensation that something was obviously not right with this situation. He continued to just sit there, calm, thoughtful. But not surprised. Not angry. Not like he reacted to the possibility that Renon and his sister may be involved in said shadiness. He was acting as if he had come to terms with my involvement long ago.
“You knew...?”
It wasn’t really a question. Not really, despite it needing to be one. His eyes flashed and I knew I was right.
“You knew!”
“Not the whole time, no, not at first.”
I staggered back a step, two. My mind reeling.
“When... how?”
“After we were dating officially, for a while. It didn’t matter to me. I knew who you were... the real you, the person you were when we dated, who you are now.”
“How Ben?!” It was a demand.
My pulse was drumming in my ears. I had fretted so much about it in those early days. Worried about what he might think or do if he ever found out. Then worried about what others might think. I wasn’t supposed to stay. Just hideout for a while, until the coast was clear. Then I would find some other city, a big one, to get lost in, set up some cons.... continue doing what I knew how to do. But then there was Ben, sweet, gentle, kind. He made things feel, possible. I had thought I had been so clever, covering my tracks. And I spent any number of days, weeks, months, worrying that it would all come crashing down on me. But little by little, I began making friends. I got a job at the firehouse. I bought a cozy little house... I fell in love. Hemlock Cove became the place I made my roots. And as the years went on, and no one ever found out, I had gotten comfortable. Complacent. When all along, he knew.
He stood up, came over, and grabbed my shoulders, forcing me to look up at him. It was only then I realized I was shaking.
“Alms, it doesn’t really matter now. It didn’t matter then when I found out. I loved you, none of it mattered.”
My heart lurched and tears welled up in my eyes. And I hated that sentimental ache. Hated hearing those words spill from his lips. Hated how emotional I was being over what was by now ancient history. He reached up and softly brushed a tear off my cheek.
“I admit... I had no idea how deeply you were affected by... us.”
I sniffled and shook my head and laughed lightly, “you fucking saved my life, Ben...”
His gaze shifted over my face while his hand remained cupped to my cheek. I almost leaned into it.
“Hey, we pulled this little guy...”
A bell rattled noisily even as the words started to fill the room. I was the first to look up and immediately my stomach flipped followed quickly by a surge of warmth that flooded my body. Excitement and longing rapidly followed. He stopped dead in his tracks, his eyes locking with mine then shifting to Ben who stood only inches away.
“Chief! Hey...” Ben turned abruptly, his voice obviously registering surprise before he stepped away and immediately zoned in on the squirming bundle Nick held in his arms. “What’s this...”
“Um...” he cleared his throat, looked down then back up, focusing on Ben who stood directly in front of him now tugging open the wiggling towel. “...yeah, we pulled this fella from a sewer drain on Main... figured someone here could take a look at him.”
I had wiped the tears from my eyes by then, stepping out from behind the counter, and smiled as Ben cooed over the filthy, sopping wet head poking up from Nick’s hold.
“Awe, hey cutie... yes... we can have a look...” Ben was all focused, lifting the creature... a kitten perhaps, but it was so mangy looking it could have just been some rat as far as I could tell. The soft meow he coerced out of it when he rubbed its belly confirmed the first. “We’ll get you all cleaned up and checked out big boy.”
Big was definitely an exaggeration. I chuckled and glanced towards Nick who did not smile in the least.
“Great, thanks, man. I gotta get back to the station but let me know if you need anything for it?”
Ben was already moving towards the counter carrying the purring cat, calling out a no problem which I didn’t witness because I was still watching Nick, waiting for him to glance at me, to flash his wickedly flirty grin, to speak...
But I got none of that. Well, not true. He did a quick glance at me. Very quick. Then he turned and left. The bell rattled noisily again and oddly I found myself looking up at it. What the hell was that?
“Alma... gonna get this guy to the back but we should... Alma?”
I spun around, a little confused, no, a lot confused.
“was saying I should get him back and checked out, seems no worse for wear.”
“I... yeah sure...” I was distracted but I nodded as I walked back to him and his new charge. The shabby beast was tiptoeing across the desktop, poking its paws at objects curiously while Ben typed something into the laptop. Clearly not too traumatized by its excursion in the sewers. I tugged my keys from my pocket. “I’ll get out of your hair so you can deal with that. You can just send the basket back when you’re done with it.”
“Maybe...” he paused, looked up, and sort of hesitated, which seemed odd. “we should get together again sometime soon, grab some drinks...”
“Oh... yeah, sure...” I hesitated too. “I’d like that.”
Suddenly a cup of pens splattered across the desk and Ben jumped to grab the kitten who almost fell from its rushed fright. He chuckled and I shook my head. Promised to see him soon and left. Almost immediately, my mind was racing on to other matters, but I would eventually think back on our conversation, much later that night.